By “LA” (Reporting Live from a Safe, Worm-Free Home)

We are not facing an environmental crisis; we are facing an Addiction Crisis fueled by shovels. The latest, terrifying data from our resident ecological prophet, Jersey (Fish guy) aka “The Worm Man”, confirms that the widespread “Digging Epidemic” is leading to complete ecological collapse within the next 10 to 12 years, sparking a hilarious (if you’re a zombie) surge in undead activity. The message is clear: You are the problem. Statistically, 5 out of every 6 people in the Fracture are actively digging, turning our precious earth into toxic, ungrowable dust.

The Stats That Will Make You Stop Digging (Maybe)

Jersey’s research reveals that the high rate of digging is not only widespread but is tragically concentrated in the most vulnerable areas, compounding the damage and accelerating the crisis.

The Great Famine: Land Collapse

The digging is literally making our food supply vanish.

• 20% of all arable land has been rendered “unuseable and ungrowable” due to the over-digging and nutrient drain. Prepare to trade your carrot patch for a dust heap.

Air Quality Crisis: The Sandy Tavern Cough

If the zombies don’t get you, the air will.

• The most polluted area is the Sandy Tavern, where mass digging has destroyed the vulnerable plant growth.
• Air quality is now in the hazardous range, creating “extremely dusty terrian which can tear the lungs” from continued exposure. Digging for trinkets is now an occupational hazard.

The Aquatic Tragedy: Choked Mermaids

Our rivers are now toxic soup, leading to fantastical death.

• Nutrient drains from unstable soil are flowing into rivers and ponds.
• This causes explosive algae blooms that tragically “choke fish and mermaids the same,” by cutting off oxygen near river estuaries and the coast.

The Worm Crisis: Why the Zombies are Winning

Worms are the unsung heroes of our ecosystem. They are the biodegraders who traditionally digest dead organic matter before it can rise with murderous intent. We are failing them spectacularly:

ZOMBIE SURGE: With the defense broken, we are seeing a “sharp increase in zombie attacks.” Every shovel-full is a casting call for the undead.

Worm Population Crash: We’ve seen a 23% drop in the worm population and a massive 56% drop in microbial diversity, severely weakening the zombie defense force.

The 99% Rule: Ethical Negligence

The most shocking data point highlights the sheer, systemic disregard for life.

While 95% of worms are ‘Returned,’ only a negligible 1% are ‘Returned’ (Ethically). This means 99% of diggers are effectively dumping their worms into destroyed, non-viable habitats, contributing directly to the 50% drop in Macrofauna Biomass and the complete collapse of forest floor ecology (40-90% biomass taken out).

The Face of Obsession: The 78-Hour-a-Week Digger

The digging is not confined to casual weekend warriors. Jersey’s investigation into the problem areas (heavily trafficked spots and the Sandy Tavern) found that the damage is driven by obsessives.

• Peak Digger Alert: Out of the high-frequency diggers (those over 45 hours a week), one individual was recorded digging for an average of 78 hours a week—that’s 11 hours a day! This anonymous person, reportedly “busy digging worms,” is single-handedly personifying the systemic destruction.

This staggering level of obsession is why the ecological damage is so widespread and severe.

A New Hope: The Beaked Mega-Worm

In a desperate act of evolution, some worms are choosing to abandon this surface-level madness entirely. A new species is emerging, double the size, with a harder outer skin and a small beak like mouth, adapting to a “more subterranial” life of consuming deep decomposition.

If you find one of these magnificent, beaked specimens, STOP! Do not add it to the 99% casualty list! Bring them immediately to Jersey (Fish guy) for urgent research. They are our only hope for a self-repairing ecosystem.

ACTION REQUIRED

The continuous rate of soil destruction means we cannot wait for change. The surefire most non destructive digging one can do is along the beach and in the quarry. If you must dig, for the love of the worms, the lungs, and the mermaids, take your shovel to the sand and the stone.